How to solve problems without arguing?
relationships, that they cause psychological discomfort, that the children suffer from them. How to solve problems without arguing.
Wherever there are people, quarrels arise. Is it possible to live without them? Yes of course. Does this mean that we will never argue with anyone? Of course not. We are ruled by emotions and quarrels probably happen to everyone. But we instinctively feel that they are nothing good, that they are confusing in relationships, that they cause psychological discomfort, that the children suffer from them. How to solve problems without arguing.
Why isn't arguing a good problem-solving strategy?
An argument is a state of strong emotional agitation for all its participants. In an argument, the "winner" is not the one who presents the strongest arguments, but the one who has the greatest clout. Moreover, during an argument, accusations are often made, words devaluing the other side, supported by generalizations ("Because you never ...", "Because you always ..."). It happens that verbal and even physical aggression occurs.
In every family there are problematic situations generated by various past experiences, differences in the temperament of family members, economic problems, fears and fears related to the external situation, lack of competence in coping with stress and emotions, etc. In an ideal family, each of its members can sit down at the table and talk about the troubles with a smile. But life can be different. The hardest time is when the only known and available coping strategy is arguing.
How Can You Deal With Problem-Solving Without Arguing?
- Talk about everything, especially difficult situations. It seems so simple, and yet we react differently to problems. The experience from the family home is of great importance in this case. If we have not learned to talk about all topics there, now in our own family it may require more effort. This will be beneficial not only for parents, but also for children, who will have a priceless experience in their adult life.
- Control your emotions. Dealing with your emotions takes work and effort. For example, breathing techniques may help to inhibit the emotional reaction in order to analyze the available facts and search for possible solutions.
- Reflect on your own developed coping strategies. We differ in temperament and character traits. Impulsiveness and hypersensitivity to stimuli can cause reactions that are disproportionate to the facts. However, the most difficult to notice is authoritarianism and the tendency to instant judgment in oneself. And it is precisely these behaviors that can cause the quarrel to enter into relationships with other people.
- Develop assertiveness. An attitude based on the belief that my needs are as important as the needs of other people, so I treat others with respect, even when I do not agree with their words and deeds. Assuming that the other person does not know my view of the situation and my needs, I inform him about it and expect the same information from the other party ("I would like ...", "I agree ...", "I don't want ...", "I need help in ...).
Must Read: Difficult behaviors and needs of the child “ what do they have in common?
What if an argument does happen?
Then it is a good idea to ensure that the quarrel has no repercussions for the future. How to do it?
- Do not argue in front of your child. The child perceives parents' quarrels as a situation that threatens the stability of their life, and this disturbs their sense of security and creates emotional tension.
- Avoid offending each other and generalizing. It is difficult to take back words that have hurt, and such a wound can fester for a long time. On the other hand, the generalizations "never" or "always" are untrue and are not confirmed by facts.
- After an argument, start a conversation in which we explain our positions and make peace. This is important not only for the adult relationship but also for the atmosphere at home. When resentment is circulating in the air, it is difficult to smile, be patient with education, and be open to the needs of others.
- Don't hold a grudge. "Silent Days" can be a traumatic experience for children who feel helpless, may not know the reasons for this parental silence, and will look for them. They may then come to conclusions that are not right at all.
- Talk to yourself and your children about how to deal with difficult situations without arguing. It would be ideal if each family developed joint strategies for coping with difficult situations, e.g. we talk about each difficult situation, we do not judge, but look for solutions together.
We deal with problematic situations burdened with emotions in various ways. Sometimes it is a relief to focus on emotions (e.g. when we react by crying or screaming), and sometimes we avoid facing the problem by resorting to substitute activities (e.g. we throw ourselves into the vortex of cleaning, reach for games, TV, talk about nothing with friends) . Any of these behaviors, however, can escalate emotions as neither of these strategies leads to less hassle and problem solving. So they can create a bad atmosphere at home and even lead to an argument.
An effective strategy for reducing stress, controlling excessive emotions and - consequently - avoiding arguments is a strategy focused on the task: œThere is a problem. What do I know about him? What solutions are possible? Which of these solutions will be the best for our family? Who can help me with this? . Such an optics in seeing difficult and problematic situations directs attention and emotions to solutions, and is not exploring the causes ("Why is it happening to me?"), Looking for the guilty ("If you had done it earlier, today it would not be ..."), avoiding responsibility ( "I don't care, get it right now!") Or articalponing remedial action until later ("I'll do it next week."). It favors the search for solutions and building an atmosphere of cooperation in solving the problems of each family member, which results in better relationships and strengthening ties.
